there are days

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There are days …days where OCD has spiralled me down… days of pure agony… as I am slowly emerging from it, still there are times I get suck into it against will and power.. anxiety creates a curtain which makes it very difficult to feel anything else, brain works at speed of light trying to explain, account for OCD’s darkness, body produces overflow of anxiety ridden hormones making you feel sick, ill, and hot… and all that horrid battle that goes within, remains concealed from the outside world, from the ones you care, love and protect…
I often wonder what and why, what is the lesson I am to learn from this? All I did is help…give of me to a point of burn out…. As I walk the path of my spirituality I will stumble and fall many times… but I will get there. The essence of me is still (at times) clouded by the fears of all the darkness in the world, the fears of the ego… When the ego is quiet I am pure, I am love, compassion… I am me, and it’s a bliss. I am here to love, help and guide.. it’s just.. OCD can make it very difficult to be me, the inability to wave away an intrusion and the fear of what it may mean engulfs you, reducing you to tears and agony. I will get there, I know.. Although I am not from the most patient ones I will have to learn to be. Without my OCD I wouldn’t have embarked on this path of Healing, connecting with the Divine/God. It is all for a reason; it is all with a purpose. Life so far has thought me many lessons, some more painful that the others, but has always made me a better Me. Love guides

And I am thankful, as I was given so much… I truly am.
love to all

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